The 10 Commandments for Wedding Guests
/We just had a wedding in the family. My niece got married in Georgia and my sister, Pat, and I flew across the country for the wedding. It was a small affair, largely DIY. My sister, Katy, had all the duties of a wedding planner and all the headaches, too. She made all the decorations, made all the desserts (except the cake), and dealt with all the venders.
It was a lovely affair but it surprises me just how many people these days have no idea what the etiquette for a wedding is.
Here are 10 Commandments for Wedding Guests:
DON'T assume you can bring a date.
Don't assume you can invite a plus-one unless it says "and Guest" on the outer envelope along with your name. Only the people to whom the invite is specifically addressed are invited. This may be obvious, but you'd be surprised how many wedding guests think they can invite a friend (or two) to the wedding. The count has gone to the caterer for the number of dinners. The venue has been told how many chairs are needed. The bottom line: Do not ask if you can bring someone else along—even if it's your significant other.
DO RSVP.
Pay attention to the deadline on the invitation. Whether or not you can make it, respond as soon as you can—the RSVP date on the invitation isn't arbitrary. If you know your reply, pop it in the mail as soon as possible. Do let the hosts know if you must cancel at the last minute; don't just not show up. The couple needs to know who's coming in order to give their vendors, like the caterer, a final head count no later than two weeks before the wedding. Do not depend on your verbal RSVP to the groom’s family to be communicated to the bride’s family.
DO buy a wedding gift early.
Couples spend tons of time choosing the items on their registry—and they picked them because they plan on actually using them. So do them and yourself a favor and buy from the registry. To make your gift seem more personal, buy it early, when there's more of a selection to choose from. Otherwise, you might indeed end up having to spring for the garlic press, dish towel, and measuring cup combo.
DON'T bring a large gift to the wedding.
Between taking down the decorations, remembering to hand out vendor tips, and saying goodbye to all their guests, the last thing the bride and groom—and their families—need to worry about at the end of the reception is figuring out how to fit all their gifts in the car. Save them the trouble by shipping yours directly to their home.
DO be on time.
True fact: Weddings tend to run late. But that doesn't mean you should. Plan to be at the ceremony 20 to 30 minutes early.
DON'T forget to turn off your phone.
Don't ruin the couple's big day by interrupting their vows with your ringtone.
DO pay attention to the dress code.
You don't want to be under-dressed for the wedding. Even if it's casual, always wear a dress, skirt or suit. Dress for the venue, but follow instructions from the bride and groom.
DON'T wear white.
This one should go without saying, but just in case, I'll repeat it. Don’t wear white! You've got a million color combinations to choose from; you don't need to wear white. (Stay away from the light ivories, too.)
DO stay out of the photographer's way.
The photographer is there to capture this life-changing moment. It won't be the same if your head is in the way, so pay attention, and above all, resist the urge to photo-bomb.
DO congratulate the family.
Even if you've never met the couple's parents, seek them out to introduce yourself, thank them and tell them how much you enjoyed the wedding. Note: This one is particularly important if there isn't a receiving line.
One last note—do have a good time! Weddings are a time for celebrating. The reception is a grand party celebrating the union of two families. Get out on the dance floor and do the Electric Slide and the Macarena.
